today's lesson is on:
DATING
the do's the don'ts. the expectations, failures and hang ups.
the recipes you were once given, throw em' away.
it's time to start fresh and bring in some new ingredients!
what has always shocked me most about "dating" is the plethora of ridiculous pressure we are all forced to endure. stereotypes and drama are far too involved in something that should be fun and care free! and after having countless conversations with my own girlfriends, i really just decided it was time we address this!
i feel that there is so much we are NOT saying to each other and it should NOT be as TABOO as it can come across. that being said, we're girlfriends and this blogs main goal is to keep you in "the know" with the best kept secrets for the everyday girl ( from an everyday girl). my views will NOT be and should NOT be your bible. you should simply adapt this info to your own perspectives, situation and scenario. they will vary, some will apply and some will not. ultimately it's important that you remember that dating was once meant to be fun and enjoyable, not an anxiety induced nightmare!
1) under pressure?
the everyday girl is not living in the metropolis of manhattan and going to mixers every night of the week and meeting a million guys. ( as much as we all wish we could be living the carrie bradshaw/ samantha jones sex & and the city tale) ! most girls are working full time jobs and then a part time job! juggling going to school, starting her career or finding herself. and let me just tell you, its impossible to find TWO things at ONCE. you try finding yourself and "mr. right/ or even mr. right now" at the same time. you would probably have better luck passing your nursing boards first! don't feel pressured into juggling all the facets of life at one time. if its time, it will happen, if it's right, it will work! you could kiss a lot of frogs til your find your prince, or ( i prefer the theory ) try on every shoe in saks to find that perfect pair! but if your not there, no need to force it - the hoopla's of dating may only stress you more!
2) just a small town girl,
living in a lonely world?
there's a catch 22 with what your location does for your swag, you tend to feel left in the dust with your options of places to find a date! sad to say, but we can most definitely become products of our environment and sometimes living in a small town does have its "dating disadvantages". now its not to say that you couldn't find a great candidate in a local bar or night club but the setting is ah not ideal! its just all wrong! in a haze of booze, loud music, rowdy folk and fist pumping its not always the perfect time to strike up a deep conversation. but if you must and a connections been felt then at the very least, get a phone number and mingle! its not the best idea but its not the worst! a little does go a long way, you could leave a lasting impression! but there are PLENTY of other places, more realistic places that you would never think to look. K.I.S.S - dunkin donuts, the book store, a restaurant, the bank, the post office. the eye is tamed to look around, use your undeniable charm and spark an unlikely conversation. you would never think it but, being in the most unsuspecting of places is the best place and the least CONFRONTATIONAL! why does everyone revert back into the shell when they see a good thing! if your perusing for a date be casual, none of that forceful awkward behavior at the bank! ( because if you do, you have to switch branches and thats a pain in the ass!) being your "normal/natural" self will get you far, BELIVE ME many people pray to find a "small town" girl!
3) it's not you - it's me
no but really, it is me...
these are your tried and true - do's and dont's. earth to mrs. set standards... it is okay to break some of your rules. if you are starting out fresh, you must treat all opportunities as new! do not judge all books/looks based upon what you think you have read/seen before. its a date, a friendly non confrontation encounter! why in gods name should we read this person the riot act?! this is why people run away. now, don't get my messages twisted. you should maintain boundaries and rules. however, YOU CAN venture out of your barriers every so often and experience something different. and for the love of god, the only time different is bad is when it involves food! if you don't try to see "dating" from a different perspective each time you head out into the open market, you shouldn't bother going out there in the first place! as women, we almost always set ourselves up some for minor failures because we hold tight to this idea of what we already have experienced. if you never try it, you will never know! it is more then half the time, a gals irrational and concocted hang ups that get the best of her. sadly, that's when you may miss out on the "lucky one". so please, PUT YOUR FRIGGEN GUARD DOWN :)
4) a spoonful of sugar
helps the medicine go down
hmm, i do love me some mary poppins, BUT walt disney did not intend that song to be the melodic tune for dating intolerance! you must face the reality here, do not grin and bare "it" if you really don't like "it". more then often we let ourselves get swept up in something because we think its "a beautiful tale" for example, he's your moms bosses son, and i see them all the time... NO, STOP! that doesn't matter you are what matters and if you're not feeling "it", then you should stop faking it! at the end of the day, its only going to cause YOU more grief. why drag yourself to dull movies, and terrible asian/italian fusion restaurants. how many DRINKS can you have in one dinner just to tolerate someones voice?! STOP the MADDNESS! it boggles my mind but to each their own. we can sit here in, oh i don't know 8 months and ponder where the time went... tick tock, tick tock! too harsh a thought putting it that way? well okay fair enough! but sometimes the best lessons are learned the hardest ways! you stringing something/one along because you think you need to settle, is just as bad as his jokes! there are "plenty of fish in the sea, or ( again my favorite theory ) shoes in saks"! bottom line, DO NOT SUGAR COAT YOUR FEELINGS FOR YOUR NEEDS. what you NEED is inside of you, yes my dear - you can find it in YOU, not inside of a MAN!
5) vaRiety is the spice of life
i know this example seems extremely wild but work with me here, this has 2 parts/ meanings! similar to letting your guard down, you need to get out of the ritual aspect of being a serial dater. WHILE also being the girl who dates the SAME kind of guy... i would say its best to have a variety of options ( like with your cereal, because you aren't going to eat cheerios everyday for the rest of your life, right?) what in the hell are you going to accomplish from that? "oh gee, i've made the same mistake 42 times!" now, attraction to a certain type doesn't make you anything more then determined, when it comes to life that's a great quality to have and a major factor in success. but when it comes to dating, determination to ALWAYS land ( for example) a gorilla juice head: that treats you like shit, is self centered and doesn't call when hes gone away for the weekend with his boys - BUT wait, he's good arm candy! well my love that is a DETERMINING factor that you are CLEARLY bugging and you don't need someone like him. ;) what truthfully makes NO sense to me, is the repetitive nature of the beast. BREAK that mold for the good of yourself. sure you can have a "type" but variety is the spice of life. take some time in between suitors to re-evaluate where you are and you may find that you are happiest when taking your "needs" into consideration!
maybe none of those examples suit you or maybe all of them do, what you need to remember is you are in control! those old stereotypes shouldn't shape you, the scenarios and situations above are mini tips and lessons that you can develop around! take them with you along the way. always remember you are the captain of your "life ship" and you can definitely steer it in the right direction! and hopefully that direction will lead you right to....
10022- SHOE @ SAKS NYC
did you think i was joking?! my theory reigns true,
i told you there are PLENTY OF PAIRS out there for you to TRY ON
<3
